Time Heals All Wounds

Well maybe not all wounds but it definitely heals a lot of wounds.
The last couple of months have been very up and down. Given my history of poor response to IVF treatment Dr K requested I get an AMH test done which gives an indication of how good my ovarian reserve is and I failed miserably. A level of 14 or less is considered very low and indicates diminished ovarian supply. My level was less than 1..... It was so low they couldn't even give me an exact number, i guess it doesn't really matter though because there isn't much difference between 0 and 1. I was totally gutted to get this news, as if we haven't been through enough already we get thrown this curve ball as well. Apparently this has nothing to do with my other infertility it's just the card I was dealt with when I was born and if I was trying to fall pregnant naturally I would have had trouble as well. Also on top of all of this 6 of my friends are pregnant at the moment and I am surrounded by everything babies......
The up side is my fighting mode has kicked in again and I'm picking up the pieces. Dr K has me on a hormone medication that has had some recent good success with increasing egg supply and for the first time in months I am looking forward and into the future at one more try. I still cringe a little bit about the thought of another IVF cycle but I know I have to do it. For me to be able to move on with life (with or without another child) I need to know that I did everything I could - no regrets,what ifs, or what could have been.  

The results are in

Some of you may have already guessed our result seeing as I haven't posted for some time. The result isn't good...... We started with a positive pregnancy but our hcg levels where so low we felt we couldn't get excited, and we where right to not get our hopes us as we miscarried on Monday :-( Both Cam and I are feeling very sad right now. The whole process was very draining on us both financially, physically and mentally and to not only have such a poor response from the egg retrieval our one and only attempt we where able to get out of it all failed. I'm not sure what the future will hold as to whether we will do it all again. I think I might have it in me to have one last go at it but we will have to wait and see what Dr K says as to whether my body is up for it. With such a poor response this time I hate to think what the outcome might be if we try again. Every time I do a cycle I get less and less embryos and seeing as this time I only got one, I'm afraid next time there might be none especially seeing as we will have to wait until next year before we can save enough money. So for now we just have to wait and see, hopefully one day I'll be able to complete this blog with a wonderful success story of how we tried again and it worked.

Home Sweet Home

It feels so good to finally be home. Nothing beats the feeling of climbing into your own bed after being away, especially when it's 2:30am and your exhausted. We got a couple of hours sleep and then went straight out to my parents place to pick up Lawson. He looked so different, so much bigger. I guess you don't notice the little changes when your with someone every day. And of course he did the one thing I didn't want him to do while I was away - he took his first step...... I'm devastated that I couldn't be there for one of the biggest milestones in his life. Here's hoping we'll get the opportunity again with another baby.
The embryo transfer of our one and only embryo happened last night. Everything went smoothly so now we just have to wait. Hopefully the next time I post I'll have some good news.

Nearly home

We are at Singapore Airport with only 3 hours to go now till we start our trip home. Words cannot describe how good that feels.
Unfortunately our time in Singapore hasn't been all good, we got news on Friday that one of our embryos didn't make it, so now we are down to one..... We are now just hoping and praying that this little one is the one. I keep reminding myself that if we where doing ivf in Australia they would only be implanting one good quality embryo and people have gotten pregnant from that so hopefully the same will happen to us. If this embryo survives until tomorrow then it will be implanted into our surrogate. Everyone please cross all your fingers and toes for us, we need all the luck we can get at the moment.

Mumbai - Day 13

I'm alive!! Procedure all went well yesterday and they where able to avoid laproscopic surgery which is such a relief. Unfortunately they where only able to get 2 of the 3 eggs but at least they where the biggest ones so that's good. I still feeling quite sore in the stomach today but that's normal. I should be right as reign in a few days, just gotta keep pressure off the stomach and no heaving lifting for a few days. That should be pretty easy since I don't have Lawson to pick up at the moment.
I have to say I was very impressed with the standard of care and facilities here. They took more precautions and had a specialist Dr in for each part of the procedure which is more than what you get at home in Australia. My only criticism would be the dressings they used to cover my wounds during my op. They should have used a non stick dressing over the holes where the eggs where taken out of and instead they used a wad of cotton wool held in place with a bandaid. When I went to remove it last night the cotton wool was glued to the wound and wouldn't come off. I've got follow up antibiotics to take so that should cover any infection that might be caused from it so I'm sure I'll be fine. We got to meet our surrogate yesterday too, that was a suprise we had no idea we would be meeting her yesterday. I'm really glad we did, it was really nice to put a face to the person who could be carrying our baby.
Well this will be my last blog from Mumbai, we are off to Singapore tomorrow for 2 days of R&R. I would be rather heading all the way home to my little man instead but unfortunately flights from Singapore to Perth where sold out.
At this stage embryo transfer is looking like Monday, seeing as we'll probably only be implanting 1 at a time the Dr wants to do a 5 day blastocyct transfer. She said that it has a higher success rate so of course we will go with what she thinks is the best.
Fingers crossed both our 2 eggs fertilise well and end up grade A embryos!

Mumbai - Day 11

I haven't blogged the last couple of days because I haven't really had anything to say until now. Just been doing my usual trip to the clinic in the mornings for my injections and then chilling by the pool in the arvo.
Cam arrived last night which has really lifted my spirits. I missed him so much, we haven't been apart for this long since we first got together 5 years ago when I went to China for 3 weeks. His plane got in at 10:00pm and I had to give myself my trigger shot at 10:30pm so that worked in well, I was able to meet him at the hotel front doors when he arrived.
So for those that know about ivf the trigger shot means my op will be in the next 36 hours - eek! The Sonographer had one last look at my ovaries today on his ultra sound machine and he said my follicles (eggs) are a lot clearer now and he thinks we might be able to avoid laproscopic surgery now!!! I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much because I wont know for sure until I'm prepped on the operating table but fingers crossed this is a good sign and things will start falling into place now.
Cam is here, I may only need a small surgical procedure and seeing as my egg retrieval is now going to be a day earlier I was able to get our flight from Mumbai to Singapore changed to Friday instead of Sunday so we are now going to have 2 days in Singapore before coming home which will be a nice reward for everything we have been through these past couple of weeks.
Now I just need everyone to hope and pray for a complication free procedure tomorrow and for all 3 of my follicles to have good healthy eggs inside of them, fertilise well and most importantly make us a baby!

Mumbai - Day 8

What an exhausting day, 4 hours of waiting and travelling between clinics.... I had another scan at my clinic today and Dr K still can't see my ovaries clearly. I didn't worry too much before as it was still fairly early in my cycle but by day 8 they should be as clear as day. So I was sent to the sonographer to see if he could see any better and he could see without a problem. He could also see 3 eggs growing nicely which is much better than I was told the other day. So our problem now seems that it looks like it's Dr K's ultra sound machine that's the problem. In Australia I'm sure the solution would be pretty simple, take the good machine to the clinic and use that one - problem solved. In India it's not that simple.... Because of the sex determination laws here each ultra sound machine is registered to a specific clinic and it's illegal to remove the machine from the clinic that it's registered to. It's also illegal for a Dr to operate someone elses machine without prior approval. I've been told though that it's not too difficult to get approval to use another Dr's machine. So the plan now is for the Sonographer to have a look at Dr K's machine and see if the problem really is the machine or operator error. I've been told it's more than likely a machine error and to prepare for laproscopic surgery. It's going to be a very long 2 days....
On the plus side egg retrieval day is looking like it will be on Wednesday (a day earlier than expected) so I had to change Cam's flight. He now arrives a day earlier on Monday night - yay! Having Cam here is going to make things so much better :-)

Mumbai - Day 7

Happy Gudi Padwa! According to Hindu scriptures, Gudi Padwa marks the beginning of the New Year and is celebrated in the western region in India. I love being in foreign countries when they are celebrating their holidays. The locals put in so much effort and it usually some kind of street parade. I saw one street parade on the way to the clinic today. The street was full of bright orange, it was beautiful.
I'm nearly halfway through my trip now, 9 days to go till I'm home and 7 days left of treatment. I've calculated that I've had 16 needles so far since being here and got about another 16 to go. And to think I used to have a phobia of needles.....

Mumbai - Day 6

Today's ultra sound didn't go so well. Actually it went terrible..... There is only 1 decent size egg :-( The Dr said there is another one there that is very small and possibly a shadow of maybe 1 or 2 more but at this stage in my cycle it's doubtful they will grow bit enough in time. I already knew that my body was resistant to the drugs from previous cycles but this time I've had an even poorer response than the last 3 cycles I've done, plus I'm on an extra drug that was supposed to work better. Dr K said she was hoping for 8 eggs this time with the extra drug. I thought that was a bit far fetched but I was sure I'd get at least 5 or 6 - but 1! that's just devastating... My only hope now is that by some miracle the really small egg and the "shadows" have a major growth spurt in the next few days.
The other problem we have is Dr K still can't see my ovaries very well on the ultra sound. She said if she still can't see them clearly by egg retrieval day she will need to get the eggs out by doing a laproscopic surgery. This procedure carries a much higher risk, especially on me because I have lots of scar tissue in my stomach area from my hysterectomy. The Dr's in Australia told me that a laproscopic egg retrieval could perforate my bowel. I'm just not sure whether that is worth the risk for 1, maybe 2 eggs....
Thankfully I don't have to make this decision now. At the moment I just need to continue with my meds and see what the next ultra sound shows in 2 days.

Mumbai - Day 5

My already large waistline feels like it's getting larger.... I really hope it's the meds and not the scrambled eggs and pancakes they serve for breakfast here. I have a bridesmaid dress to fit into in 6 weeks! As delicious as it sounds to be eating hot cooked food for every meal the novelty wears off after a couple of days. I'd kill for a salad right now. Unfortunately foods like that will make you very sick in country like India and that's the last thing I need at the moment. To avoid getting sick the food needs to be freshly cooked and piping hot. They could use here though on healthy cooking though, everything is cooked in a pool of oil.
My highlight of my day was speaking to my gorgeous nieces on the phone. That put a big smile on my face :-)

Mumbai - Day 4

I had my first ultrasound today since starting my meds. It didn't go so well, Dr K couldn't find my ovaries.... If she can't see my ovaries then she can't do the egg retrieval. She said she may not be able to see them for two reasons. One is that it may be too early and my ovaries aren't big enough yet to see them. The second reason could be because she isn't expert in abdominal ultrasounds (I'm an unusual case, normally ivf ultrasounds are done internally) she might not be looking in the right spot so she is sending me to a Sonographer on Thursday to see if the Dr there can see them and point them out to her exactly where they are. Also I'm hoping with the two extra days my ovaries would have grown a bit more.
Fingers crossed all goes well on Thursday.

Mumbai - Day 3

I'm starting to get into a bit of a routine now and I'm finding having set things to do in the day helps pass the time better. Just like at home I can't seem to sleep past 5am-6am (I blame Lawson for that one) I have a cup of tea in bed while watching the CNN channel and then get ready to head down to breakfast. Breakfast is pretty average here for 5 star hotel. The only thing half decent is the scrambled eggs. I try and stretch out breakfast to an hour making use of the bottomless cups of coffee and reading the Mumbai Mirror newspaper. Then it's off to the clinic for my daily injections. My taxi driver "Jaggi" tells me a different story/fact about Mumbai each day which is really interesting. Today's story was about the corrupt Police - very interesting.... It's nice getting out of the hotel for a bit. I enjoy looking out the window of the taxi at the hustle and bustle of the city. Among the dirt and slum there is an array beautiful colour that fills the streets from the women's sari's. I usually get back to the hotel around lunch time, have a quick bite to eat and then head down to the pool with a book for the afternoon. Evenings are the hardest part in the day for me. Sitting in a small room with too much time to think isn't good for someone in my situation. Bringing dvd's from home has been a bit of a saviour because the tv channels here suck. At least I'm finally getting through all the chick flicks I bought in Bali 2 years ago.

Mumbai - Day 2

Definition of pain - Having a very large needle jabbed in your arse, then spending the next 40mins sitting in a taxi bouncing up and down over pot holes. I thought having extra padding would help, but no....
So far the side effect I'm having of the meds is the injection spot of one of the drugs. After a couple of hours the pain subsides but then the next morning the area is very red, swollen, burning and extremely sore. I've still got another 9 more of this particular needle to go, god knows how I'm going to be able to sit down by the end of all this. On the plus side Dr K is hoping to get double the amount of eggs than I normally get by using this extra drug so if it works it will defiantly all be worth it.
I've now settled into my second hotel room since being here. My first room had ants crawling all over the desk and bathroom (not exactly ideal for a 5 star hotel) Normally it would annoy me to have to pack and then unpack again but it killed a couple of hours in the day which was good. They also sent a fruit platter to my room as an apology which was nice.
I've only been here 2 days and I'm already starting to get bored. The hotel is right next to the airport so there are no shops/things to do close by. Plus the condition of Cam letting me come here on my own was that I stay in the hotel at all times except for my clinic appointments. There are defiantly worse places I could be stuck in than a 5 star hotel. The hotel has a really nice pool area, I just need to learn how to relax. It's hard when all I can think about at the moment is my boys. I'm missing them so much.

Mumbai - Day 1

Touching down in Mumbai was a surreal experience. For the past couple of weeks I have been worrying myself sick (literally - my stomach was in knots so much I had diarrhoea) but as soon as I walked off the plane and saw familiar sights around the airport all the worry and nerves started washing away and in it's place a feeling of calmness and joy replaced it.
Driving to the hotel seeing and hearing more familiar sights and sounds made me feel even more happier. Even the stench of sewers as I walked out the arrival gate doors made me smile. It wasn't until I got to the hotel that I understood why my feelings had changed so quickly. It was because I was back in the city that created Lawson. I always knew Mumbai would hold a special place in my heart but I didn't realise how much until now. When we where hear last time I was so sleep deprived and focused on getting our baby home that I didn't stop to think about the magic that had happened here. There are so many wonderful memories here in this city and being back here is making them all come flooding back. I just wish my boys where here to share it with.
We have proven that dreams really do come true, now we just have to hope and pray that dreams can be seen to the end.

Mumbai Here I Come

I can't believe I leave tomorrow! My head has been filled with so many mixed emotions this past week I feel like I'm going crazy. There are defiantly some perks to this trip, I'm staying in a 5 star hotel and get to lay by the pool for most of the day. No getting up to a crying baby in the middle of the night, no dirty nappies and eating meals at a table slowly instead of leaning over the kitchen scoffing down food while a baby is tugging at my shorts screaming his head off. Yes that will all be bliss but the down side is I am going to miss both my boys like crazy. I'm not normally the emotional crying type but tears well up in my eyes every time I think about going away, I hate to think what I'm going to be like tomorrow morning when I actually have to say goodbye....
I'm a worry wort so my list of worries are long and of course most of them are stupid things like "Will the taxi driver get lost going to the clinic and will I be left stranded in the middle of nowhere in the back streets of Mumbai" Will the taxi driver really get lost? Yes.... Will I be left stranded in the middle of nowhere? probably not. It's crazy how your mind thinks when your under stress....
I may not be mentally ready for this trip but everything else is ready. I've stocked Mum up with everything she needs for Lawson for the next couple of weeks, the house is clean, meals are cooked and in the freezer for Cam and my suitcase is packed. All that is left to do now is to spend some quality time with Lawson. I thought I might take him somewhere nice today, we might head to a local park and feed the ducks and have a picnic lunch seeing as it's a beautiful day today.
Mumbai here I come!

Happy Birthday Lawson!

1 year ago today our beautiful boy was born. (his birthday is the 9th March but for some reason it always posts 1 day behind) I can remember the day just like it was yesterday, Cam and I where waiting in the hall way just outside the operating theatre, pacing up and down waiting for the news. A Doctor came through the double doors and walked towards us with a little bundle in his arms. He said "Congratulations, you have a baby boy" We only got a very quick look at him before the Doctor whisked him away for his medical checks but it was enough time for Lawson to look up at us with his beautiful blue eyes. It was defiantly love at first sight.

I really hope we will be able to experience that moment of joy again. We are very grateful for the one miracle baby we do have but one more would just complete us. I wouldn't wish for anything more out of life if we had a healthy sibling for Lawson.

All Booked

Flights where starting to fill up on the weekend and seeing as we got a confirmed date for the egg retrieval from Dr K I took the plunge and booked everything - eek! I arrive late evening on the 16th March and will start my stimulating medication the following day and Cam will arrive at 4am on the 28th March and we'll both come home together on the 1st April. Staying longer in Mumbai does come with a couple of perks, I get free breakfast daily, airport transfers and internet which is great for keeping the costs while there lower.
So it will be nearly 2.5 weeks away from home and my baby boy..... I don't know how I'm going to survive but I'm sure I'll find a way of getting through it. I know I'm a strong person and have been through worse things in recent years. Lawson will be very well looked after at his Nanny and Grandads house, I just hope he doesn't forget who I am while I'm gone......

Plan C

We embarked on this journey with 3 plans in mind to get us to egg retrieval. Plan A, Plan B and Plan C. Our main goal has been to cycle here at home for as long as possible as Cam doesn't have a lot of annual leave accrued and seeing as we are leaving Lawson at home with my parents while we are in Mumbai the least time away from Lawson the better.
Plan A -Was to get a GP to write a prescription for the medication needed, purchase it from a pharmacy and administer it myself. I have done 3 ivf cycles in the past so I know how to inject myself and how the medication works. Plus also I am under the direction of Dr K so if I had any concerns I could get her help if needed. After attempting plan A this week it failed as we found out that a GP is not authorised to prescribe fertility medication, only a fertility specialist is. Plus also one of the medications I need to be on is not available in Australia.
Plan B - See a fertility Specialist. After numerous phone calls and luck we managed to get a cancellation to see a fertility specialist yesterday. It ended up a waste of time and money because the minute the Dr heard the word "surrogacy" his wall went up and shut us out. He made us feel like what we are doing is illegal and we wanted him to help us break the law. This is defiantly not true. There are lots of grey areas in surrogacy and all we where wanting was this Dr to look outside the square and into the grey area but he wouldn't even look. Anyway I'm not going to get started on this subject as I would be here all day writing my views on the subject. So this now left us with our last option, Plan C.....
Plan C - I will fly to Mumbai on my own and do the entire treatment there and Cam will meet me there around day 11/12 just before my egg retrieval. I'm trying to just focus on the benefits of this rather than how much I am going to miss my boys. This way I can get all my medication without a problem but most of all we are not looked upon as a criminal, just a normal loving couple who are wanting a family.

UP and down.... Round and Round.....

Someone please hand me a spew bag cos I feel like I'm gonna be sick.....
It's weird how an emotional roller coaster can feel just like a real one. All of a sudden I've got a flash back of being on one of those sickening rides at the Royal Show.
Yesterday was another loop de loop on the surrogacy roller coaster and it left a sick feeling in my stomach. I'm pretty sure it all started because today I officially started my medication for my egg retrieval. At this stage it's only the birth control pill but it just made it all feel like a reality. It didn't help either that I found out the main swimming pool at the hotel were we where going to stay at (JW Marriott) is going to be closed for renovations so now we have to find another hotel and nothing else really compares to this one. We looked through it on our first trip to Mumbai and decided if we ever had to go back for another egg retrieval we would stay there. It's really a sanctuary in the middle of the madness of Mumbai and for me it was my mental sanctuary as well knowing that when we returned from the clinic each day we could unwind in luxury and for the rest of the day switch off and pretend that we where just there on a holiday. Anyway after a big D&M with Cam we worked through my issues and I'm now focusing on another hotel that can be my sanctuary. At this stage The Leela is on top of my list and one positive already is that because the rooms a bit cheaper than the Marriott we can afford to stay in one of the top rooms like the Executive Suite with access to the lounge with free cocktails and canapes in the evening. It might just feel like a holiday after all..... 

We have a date

 After a heap of blood and urine tests our preliminary tests have all been done now except for Cam's semen analysis. We've had a bit of trouble finding somewhere to get all the tests the Dr has asked for but we have now found a place that will do the most important ones and our Dr is happy with that. Cam's booked in for Wednesday and once we get those results all the prelim test will be finished and it will be full steam ahead.

We are able to choose when we would like the egg retrieval to be which is great. I just need to take birth control pills for 1 month prior to that date and it will prepare my cycle. We chose our date based on flight availability and wanting to be home for Lawson's 1st birthday. So if all goes to plan I will be having my egg retrieval on the 20th March. I can't believe that is only 6 weeks away! So many emotions keep running through my head... excitement, fear, nerves..... I think the best thing to do is to keep busy and focus on the end result.

Giving Back

I am very proud to announce that I am now officially an organ donor! To be honest I hadn't given it much thought before we ventured into surrogacy and the thought of my body parts being removed creeped me out a little. But now I look at it in a whole different light. The way I see it now is a stranger gave us the gift of life. Without the help of her body Lawson wouldn't be alive. So now hopefully one day I can return the favour to a stranger by giving them the gift of life as well with my body. 

Introduction

My name is Nardia and this is our second round of surrogacy in India. We have a beautiful 10 month old son Lawson from the help of a wonderful Indian surrogate. I only discovered the world of blogging halfway through our pregnancy so I didn't bother starting one then but now that we are embarking on this journey again I wanted to do one.

For those of you that don't know me I'll fill you in on our story. I have wanted to be a mother since as young as I can remember. There where many professions that I thought I'd like to get into but deep down I always knew what I really wanted to do. That was to be a Mum. I married the man of my dreams and we started trying for a baby straight away. Sadly our plans came crashing down only 12 weeks after our wedding day when I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. My only cure was to have a radical hysterectomy which left me unable to carry a baby. As hard as this was to deal with and get through I never gave up hope of having a baby. I was barely out of hospital before I was researching other avenues to have our baby. We started the adoption process (which we later stopped when we found out we where pregnant with Lawson) and spent months researching surrogacy both in Australia and overseas. Our decision was pretty easy, the laws to do surrogacy in Australia where so ridiculous that it's pretty much impossible to do it. To do it in America was so expensive we would never be able to save the money, which then left us with the option of India. Initially it was the cheaper cost that drew us to India but now after having been through the whole process I can honestly say it was the best decision we made doing it in India and I recommend it to anyone who is in the same boat as us. Saying this though you still need to choose your clinic and doctors wisely.

So here we are again about to embark on another roller coaster as I like to call it. We are using the same clinic again which is Corion. Dr Kadam is an amazing doctor and we had such a great experience with our first pregnancy that we couldn't go with anyone else. We had two attempts last year with our left over frozen embryos from last time but unfortunately neither attempts resulted in a pregnancy so we are now starting from scratch again. Our aim is to be in Mumbai for the egg retrieval in March and seeing as I've only just realised this isn't that far away, I've been running around getting everything together to get the ball rolling.

Cam and I had all our screening tests done this week so hopefully we'll have those back by the start of next week and I'm in contact with Dr K about recruiting a surrogate and working out a cycle for me. The beginnings have well and truly started - eek!